Episode 7: Confessions
by JPC
Summary: Drusilla comes to town to meet "baby brother" Connor, and blows his cover. The Scoobies learn who he really is. Connor learns about Buffy and Angel. Buffy learns about Angel and Cordy. And Spike and Dru have a reunion of sorts.


Dru comes to town to meet her "baby brother," and blows Connor's cover.. Everyone finds out who Connor is. Connor finds out about Buffy and Angel. Buffy finds out about Angel and Cordy. And of course Dru and Spike have a reunion of sorts.

"And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." You can find these words in the Gospel of John. You can also find them on the front of the headquarters of the Central Intelligence Agency in Langley, Virginia. Just what Jesus of Nazareth would make of this depends on whether He has a well-developed sense of irony. Judging from the course of human history, it is fair to say His Father does.

Christians came up with a corollary to this maxim: telling the truth shall set you free. All forms of the Christian faith advocate, in one form or another, the confession of sins. As he did every Sunday after the 9am Mass, Father Ernesto Torres prepared to hear confession at the Church of the Blessed Virgin. Few of the penitent faithful ever came. Few wanted to go to the trouble of seeking formal absolution. To Father Torres, it seemed that nowadays everyone just assumed the Lord's forgiveness was automatic, like some sort of entitlement. Most of those who still came were pious elderly women whose faith was molded by an earlier, more God-fearing era.

The only person Father Torres expected to see soon was Monsignor Phillip Denonville, who would assist him with the noon Mass. So Father Torres was surprised when a young woman entered his confessional that Sunday morning. "Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been two months since my last Confession," she began with a noticeable English accent. Through the grating, Father Torres could see that the woman was wearing a nun's habit.

"I have sinned in my heart. I have doubted God's love and mercy. Shortly after I entered the convent, my mother and father were taken from this world. So were all of my brothers and sisters. They were all good people. They believed in Jesus. They lived by His word. And yet He did not protect them from this cruel fate.

"I have tried with all my soul to reconcile this loss with my belief in a just God. But lately I have been tempted by the Devil. I have heard voices telling me succumb to his power. These voices say that it would not be wrong for me to abandon God, since God has already abandoned me."

"God has not abandoned your soul, my child," Torres began. "Your parents, your siblings, they are in a better world. God has taken them to be with Him in Heaven. Yes, God is testing the strength of your devotion. But you have proved to me that your devotion is strong. You proved this by coming here today, by seeking my guidance. Remember the Virgin. Remember her sufferings. Make your faith as indestructible as hers. Your tribulations will only make your soul purer, bring you closer to Jesus."

The woman ripped off the grating, so the priest could see her true monstrous face. "Sorry, but I beg to differ," she said. Then she bit and killed the stunned Torres.

She left the booth, went to one of the pews, and knelt to pray. A few minutes later Monsignor Denonville arrived. She was the only other person in the church. He walked over to her. "Pardon me, Sister, but have you seen Father Torres?"

"I just talked with him a minute ago. Permit me to take you to him, Monsignor. It would be my honor."

Denonville agreed. The woman led the Monsignor to a side room adjacent to the church. He entered ahead of her. Then she removed his collar, exposed his neck, and bit him.

About ninety minutes later the noon Mass began. A few hundred people were in attendance. The lay abbots began the service. The choir sang a few songs. A lay abbot read a passage from the Gospel and gave the Homily. The choir sang another song. Then Monsignor Denonville appeared at the alter for the Eucharist.

"And Jesus gave the cup to his disciples and said this is my blood, the blood of the new and everlasting covenant. Take this cup and drink of it. Do this in memory of me.'"

The vampire who sired the Monsignor sat in her habit in the last row, snickering. After watching her clever little joke reach its punchline, she left the church and stepped outside. The robes and veil of the habit protected her from the sun long enough for her to slip down into the sewers, which she took to the vacant mansion on the hill.

As the vampire walked outside in her nun's attire, Buffy drove past the church on her way to the Magic Shop. She entered and saw Spike near the back of the store. His bruises were easy to spot from 30 feet away. "What happened Spike? Those frat boys not like to your music?," she joked. Spike didn't feel like explaining his injuries at that moment, and sulked off into the storeroom.

Anya walked up to Buffy and slapped her hard in the face with her right hand. Buffy was stunned and stupefied. "What was that?," she asked Anya. Anya slapped her again in the face with her right hand, this time even harder. "Are you begging for a beatdown?," she asked Anya.

Anya of course was outraged because she knew exactly how Spike sustained those injuries. But she wasn't prepared to tell Buffy. Not directly. Anya pointed to Gardar's head, which rested on a shelf behind the cash register. "I'll have you know Spike got those marks killing that demon."

"Ooh. Whoa. Am I supposed to be impressed?," Buffy responded sardonically. "Spike went out and bagged himself a demon, and he gave you a trophy so he could show off. Big deal. It probably wasn't even a very strong demon. Something nice and easy for little Spikey to brag about."

Anya was about to slap Buffy again but thought that would just be gratuitous. Instead she grabbed a black marker in her right hand, grabbed Buffy's right forearm with her left hand, and wrote the letters G-A-R-D-A-R on Buffy's arm. "Gardar. G-a-r-d-a-r. That's the demon Spike killed. Go look it up. Find out what it was. And don't come back into my story until you have."

Buffy was outraged. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to get this stuff off your skin? You have gone mental, haven't you?"

"Nope. I'm just not in the mood for rudeness right now," Anya responded.

Buffy couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Rude! I'm rude?! You attack me. You scribble on my skin. And I'm rude? I just came in here to get some of my weapons."

"Your weapons?," Anya asked rhetorically. "Those weapons were the legal property of one Rupert Giles. When the aforementioned Rupert Giles transferred ownership of the Magic Shop to me, I became the owner of everything in the shop, including those weapons. So technically they are my weapons. Since I'm not rude, I will let you borrow them. I'll even be nice enough to let you keep them, even though they are technically my property. But before that can happen, you find out what that word on your arm means."

"So what is this? You're going to keep me from entering this building like I'm a vampire or a demon?," Buffy contemptuously asked.

"Not exactly," Anya explained. "You are a human being. At this moment you might not be acting like one, but that's what you were the last time I checked. I won't forcibly keep you out. I was hoping you would have enough manners and good sense to not go where you're not wanted. And until you find out just what exactly a Gardar is, I don't want you in my store."

Buffy looked at the letters on her right arm. Then she looked at Anya and scowled. "You're right," Buffy told Anya. "I'm not the one in this conversation who's the demon, now am I?" She turned and left and slammed the door behind her.

Buffy stalked home. The nerve of Anya!, she thought. Who was Anya to disrespect her? When she got inside the house, she sat down and looked at the word on her arm. Then she called Giles. When he left after Willow's rampage, Giles left his home number with Buffy. He wanted to keep in touch with her in order to prevent events from ever again spiralling so completely out of control. "Hi Giles, it's me Buffy. Things are fine here. I just have one reasearchy question. What's a Gardar? That's spelled g-a-r-d-a-r. I know it's some kind of demon, but if you know something more about it give me a call back. Thanks. Hope everything's going great for you. Bye."

Buffy was washing the ink off her arm when she heard Dawn coming down the stairs. "Morning sleepy head. I know it's the afternoon after your big night, but you sure slept in a long time, even by your standards."

"I couldn't get to sleep until like around five," Dawn offered in her defense. "I was just so excited about Steven and everything."

Buffy thought she knew what this meant. "Sleepless nights because of a boy. Face it. You're in love."

Dawn begged to differ. "Love! Love? That's what you think this is? Well, it's not. It's not love. I mean, we just met. I guess, sure, I like him. A lot. Okay, an awful lot. I love being with him. I love touching him. But no, I don't love Steven. I barely know him."

Buffy disagreed with Dawn's reasoning. "You don't have to know someone to love them. What about love at first sight?"

"Buffy, when I first saw Steven, I thought he was a vampire. You tried to stake him, remember?"

A half-hour later the phone rang. Buffy quickly picked it up. "Giles?," she asked.

"No, last time I checked I wasn't a fifty year-old Englishman," Xander replied.

"Sorry about that Xander. It's nothing. So what are you calling about."

"Just wanted to say hi, see how you were."

"I guess I'm okay. Went to the Magic Shop to get some of my weapons, and Anya was just this total bitch."

"Anya, a bitch? Gee, that's a shocker," Xander sarcastically quipped.

Buffy explained. "No, this was new. She was like, ultra-bitch. She attacked me, physically attacked me."

Xander tried to envision this, which didn't help. All he could see was an extremely titillating catfight. So had to get this out of his mind and say something appropriate to Buffy. "Okay. Okay. That is a side of Anya I have definitely not seen before. I really don't know what to tell you."

"Don't worry yourself about it. It's not like she hurt me. Like Anya could hurt me!," Buffy said before laughing. At that moment she didn't realize that Anya had hurt her once before – not physically, but emotionally. This of course was when Anya slept with Spike. "Anyway, how have you been Xander?

"I'm good. Just came back from taking Steven shopping. Call me crazy, but he seemed to have an animal skin fixation. He kept wanting to buy all this leather, snakeskin, crocodile skin. He wanted leather pants, but I told him no. The only people who wear leather pants are aging rock stars and vampires.' I did manage to get him some sensible cloth clothing."

When Xander called Dawn had picked up the phone, thinking it may be Janice. She heard Buffy and Xander's conversation. Connor in leather pants? Dawny liked.

Just after sunset Spike was back home, lying on the couch. His stereo played the Kinks' "Waterloo Sunset." It helped with hangovers, so he thought it might help with his concussion-related headaches. Spike took a drag from his cigarette, and coughed violently, hurting his tender ribs. He never knew a person could be too injured to smoke. He put the cigarette out in the palm of Gardar's left hand, which was on the coffee table. Then he picked up his drink from Gardar's right hand, which was also on the coffee table. The drink helped dull the pain. At least Spike wasn't too hurt to drink.

After getting enough strength to stand up after defeating Gardar, Spike took his trophies. He kept the hands and feet for himself, since they caused most of his injuries. He thought of using the feet either as bookends or doorstops. The head went the Anya's store, where it would make a nice decoration. Clem took the demon's chest, like some otherworldly ancient Greek bust.

There was one trophy Spike kept hidden, just for himself. He wanted to know where the wizards were when they conjured Gardar. Spike knew from his research that they were dead. When people conjure a Courier Demon, part of their essence goes into that demon. That essence would have returned to the wizards with the key power when the demon killed Dawn." But if the Courier Demon dies before getting hold of its "package," this kills and obliterates the conjurers. Conversely, since the conjurers vanish into dust, the Courier Demon's corpse does not disappear, or even decay.

Spike knew the spell had to be performed within a few miles of where Gardar materialized. It would have to be performed outdoors. The ceremony would involve a stone circle. And since this kind of thing looks odd to most onlookers, the ceremony would be held at a remote location. Spike put this together and after the shop closed he drove out to the wastelands along a highway a few miles south of town. The spot wasn't hard to find.

It wasn't hard to find because the Acacia crystal was glowing like a beacon amongst the ashes of the fire. Around it was the stone circle, as well as four piles of dust Spike knew to be the remains of the wizards. He took the dust and spread it between his fingers. These were the men who conjured the demon which tried to kill Spike. And look at them now! Spike took the crystal back to his car. He left off for home listening to Bruce Springsteen's "The Ties That Bind" on his car radio:"

"you're so afraid of being found out, it's true

you're walking tough, but you're walking blind

to the ties that bind

you can't break the ties that bind

you can't forsake the ties that bind"

Spike finished his drink and put it back on his Gardar "coaster." Connor entered. The crypt was dark, and from the outside it looked as if nobody was home. But Connor could hear the stereo from outside, so he knew Spike was in. "Spike, you're here right?," he asked as he entered.

Spike groaned and raised his back off the couch to see who it was. "Evening Steven. Say, could you be a nice houseguest and turn on the lights?"

With the lights on, Connor could see Spike's bruises. "Spike! You're hurt!"

"It's really nothing. You should see the other guy. In fact, you can see parts of the other guy." Spike pointed to the coffee table. "There are the other guy's hands." Then he pointed to the top of his dresser. "And there are the other guy's feet."

Connor hadn't seen Spike since Thursday night. "When did you kill this demon?," he asked Spike.

"Last night, while you and Dawn were at the big dance."

"Sorry I couldn't help you."

"No reason to be sorry, Steven. Every now and then I need to go solo, just me and a monster. It's a good way to test myself to the limit, see what I'm made of. Don't let my appearance fool you. I feel great. So how was last night?"

"It was great, Spike. The greatest, actually."

"So how did you like the social scene, meeting and mingling with all your peers?," Spike asked, using "peers" somewhat jokingly.

"Don't remember being in that scene," Connor replied. "Most of the time, it was like Dawn and I were the only people in the room. I wasn't aware of the presence anyone but her."

"Happy to hear you had yourself a smashing time," Spike added. Connor's comments brought him no small measure of pride. It proved to Spike that his sacrifice was noble, that his gamble was truly worth the risk.

"What is that music playing?," Connor asked Spike.

"That's the Kinks. You like?"

"I do. The sounds are pretty."

"Well then here, let me let you borrow it." Spike went over to the stereo and took out the compact disc, put it back in its case, and handed it to Connor. "Enjoy. And whenever you're here, listen to whatever you want, and if you like it, go ahead and take it."

Then Spike crafted a wonderfully self-serving analogy. "The one thing I would be proudest to give you, Steven, is good taste in music. Remember this: the quality of a person's soul can be measured by the quality of the music they like. And the Kinks – very high quality." Connor got the complement, smiled, and left with the disc.

Buffy was home at this time watching the local news. Then the anchor gave Buffy a scoop. "Unimaginable tragedy at the Church of the Blessed Virgin, where this afternoon Father Ernesto Torres and four altar boys were found dead. Police have declared it a multiple homicide, though they declined to reveal how the five victims were murdered."

Whenever the Sunnydale Police declined to reveal the cause of death, they revealed the cause of death to Buffy. At this very moment, Dawn came out of the kitchen and said "if it's okay with you I'm going over to Janice's. I'll be back by 11."

Buffy was preoccupied with the latest vampire killings. "Sure, have a good time," she said to Dawn and Dawn went out the front door. Just after Dawn left, Buffy left – to break into the coroner's office yet again. She had broken in so many times they might as well have put a "welcome back Buffy" sign on the front door.

Dawn was in Janice's room talking about – here's a cliche – boys. Well, just two boys. Janice did most of the talking. "So he calls me at, like, ten this morning. I'm still half asleep in bed. He tells me he's been up for hours. That all he can do is think about me. That he was going crazy not hearing the sound of my voice."

Dawn couldn't believe it. "Brandon said that?! No way!"

"Totally! I couldn't believe it myself. I thought he was joking. You know how much of a joker he can be. But then we talked for, like, two hours. Now, sure, we do that all the time. But this was new. Brandon was new."

"I love that you two are finally together, Janice. You know I've been rooting for this since last year. And then suddenly, overnight, like you said, a whole new Brandon. No offense, but don't you find this sudden changing a little, well, you know, bizarre?"

"Yeah, I admit I've felt the same thing. I have to keep pinching myself to prove I'm not dreaming, which explains all the welts on my arms. It did seem too good to be true. But it is true. I don't know how to explain it. Last night, out of nowhere, Brandon comes over to me and starts gushing about how I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen and begging me to forgive him for never noticing this before.

"I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I still can't. But so what. It's a lot more fun to enjoy a miracle than to try to explain it. All I can say is that Cupid didn't hit Brandon with an arrow; Cupid hit Brandon with a Cruise Missile."

At around 9pm Drusilla was out for an evening snack. Something innocent. Along the sidewalk a mother and father were walking with their two sons, ages 4 and 6. Each son held the leash to a dog. It was like a Norman Rockwell canvas. For Dru wholesome equalled delicious.

But she faced a dilemma. Dru wanted to eat the children. But she didn't know if she was hungry enough for the parents. Angel of course would have eaten the children and spared the parents so he could watch them grieve. But Dru didn't get off on observing the pain she caused. For her the excitement was in the kill, or more precisely in the moment right before the kill. Angel loved it when his victims struggled. But to Dru a struggle was too boring, too commonplace. It was an animal's instinct to fight when its life was in danger. What was special was when the animal didn't fight. To take a victim without a fight – that was what Drusilla savored.

Dru also loved games. Especially children's games. So she chose to make a little game out of this kill. She snuck up behind the happy family and snatched the wife with her left hand. Her husband went after Dru, and she threw him to the ground with her right hand.

"Tell your boys to come to mummy," Dru told the mother as she held her by the back of her neck. The woman was terrified and unresponsive. So Dru put her right hand in this woman's right hand, their fingers entwined. Then she squeezed, breaking several bones in the woman's hand. "Tell them to come to Mummy," she repeated.

"Jason, Billy, come over hear. Don't worry, everything will be all right. Mommy's fine. Just come over to me." The frightened, confused boys did what their tearful mother requested.

Dru grabbed Jason, the oldest, in her right hand. She picked him up and brought him to her mouth, and put on her vampire face. The mother tried to scream, but Dru squeezed her throat so she couldn't make much of a racket. "No screaming, that's against the rules," Dru whispered in her ear.

"What do you want!?," the father yelled, pulling out his wallet. "Here's all the money I have. Take it! Whatever you do, please don't hurt my family."

"Your funny paper's not what I want," Dru told him. "I want to play a little game. You like games, don't you?" At this point the father realized the woman attacking his family was completely nuts. "Now play the rules, and everyone will have a good time. You choose who I let go of – your wife, or your son."

"Please Arthur, don't let them do anything to Jason," the wife pleaded. Then she looked at Dru and said "don't hurt my boys, take me."

"That's up to your Arthur," Dru told her. "Arthur, I'm waiting. I don't like to be kept waiting when I'm playing my game."

A look of unimaginable anguish fell upon Arthur's face. "Think of the boys!," his wife beseeched him. So Arthur came to what he believed was the only honorable decision. "Do what Elizabeth says, he told Drusilla. Let go of Jason. Take me instead."

Dru tossed Jason into Arthur's arms. Then she slashed Elizabeth's throat with her left index finger. As Arthur began hugging his son, he saw his wife fall to the ground. He put Jason down and leaped at Drusilla. She laughed, grabbed him, and spun him around so she held him from behind. "Jason and Billy will always know their father died a brave man," she said to him before cutting his throat with the same fingernail she used to dispatch his wife.

She then moved onto the boys. They ran right in between her legs, which she thought was just the most adorable thing. Dru turned and pursued, which wasn't very hard. Small legs can't run very fast. When she neared them, Jason, the older of the boys, turned around and shielded his younger brother. Dru was touched by this display of filial affection.

Jason was shaking, but his face displayed both fear and determination. He was an animal, and he would fight to defend his life and fight to save the life of his kin. But he didn't know what to do. His head barely came up to Dru's waist. Dru caressed Jason's cheek with her right hand, telling him "there there, dear boy, there there, dear boy." He grabbed that hand and bit it as hard as he could.

Dru growled and pulled her right hand upwards. Like a bulldog, Jason held onto Dru's hand with his teeth, and he was pulled off the ground. "Didn't your mummy and daddy teach you it was not polite to bite?," Dru asked Jason. Then she dug her teeth into his tiny neck. When he died his jaws stayed shut on Dru's right hand. In order to get free, she had to dislocate his jaw with her left hand. Without vampire strength, she would have needed a crowbar to do this.

Little Billy tried to run away. Dru reached down and grabbed his shirt from behind. His legs kept pumping as she picked him up. He tried to scream but Dru put her left hand over his mouth. "Your mummy and your daddy and your brother have all gone to a better place, Billy. And since I'm such a nice lady I'm going to send you there, so you can be one happy family." Then she bit down and drank him. When finished, she dropped his corpse next to Jason's.

Dru walked back to the dogs. They were drinking the blood which had spilled from the throats of Arthur and Elizabeth. Dru didn't think she had ever seen a cuter site in all her life. She bent down and petted the dogs, telling them "you're such good doggies, such good good little doggies." Then she picked up their leashes and took them for a walk.

Drusilla wasn't the only demon out on the prowl that night. For the first time in his life, Clem was hunting. He strolled around the graveyard looking for targets. He spotted a vampire, and got his attention by talking to him.

"Hey there buddy. Nice night to be out, isn't it? Peaceful, quiet. No one to hear them scream. Maybe this is your lucky night." Clem started walking towards the confused vampire. "Forget about these weak little humans. You get to take a shot at me, a real demon. Not some half-breed like yourself, but the full kit-and-caboodle. Question is, will you get me before I get you? So you have to ask yourself, do you feel lucky? Well do ya, punk?"

With that Clem pulled out a stake and dusted the vampire before it could react. The vampire found Clem's little soliloquy so absurd he wasn't even ready to put up a fight before it was too late. After it was over Clem said to himself "Wow! I did it!! I really did it!!! Kickass!" Then he did a little dance of joy.

At the coroner's office Buffy couldn't find the corpses of the four altar boys. But Father Torres's body was out on the table. It was plain as day what killed him. Buffy knew what the killer was. She just didn't know who the killer was.

When Buffy pulled into her driveway, she heard the phone ringing. Then it stopped. As she opened the door it started again. She ran and picked it up. It was Giles, calling her at 3am his time.

"Buffy listen to me. This is very serious. You must get Dawn and immediately leave town. This Gardar is incredibly dangerous. You must do as I say or something truly catastrophic will occur."

"Giles relax. I killed Gardar already," Buffy said, lying to her Watcher. "I just wanted to know what it was." And so Giles explained.

Spike was feeling a little stronger. He was standing up, singing along to the Clash's "I'm Not Down" ("I've been beat up, I've been thrown out, but I'm not down, no I'm not down), banging Gardar's right hand into the back of his couch in time to the beat. Then Buffy kicked open the door and entered.

Spike quickly turned down the music. At first he was understandably elated to see Buffy in his home. Then he looked at her face, and saw she was not happy to see him.

"How could you do this!?," she growled at him.

"Oh, you mean this?," Spike answered, holding up Gardar's paw. "Just blood, sweat and stubbornness, I guess."

"Don't you dare make jokes about this," Buffy snarled back. "You knew what was coming, and you did nothing to help Dawn."

"Did nothing!? Did nothing!! I killed the bloody thing! I saved Dawn's life!," Spike shouted back.

Buffy was too outraged to shout. "This is sickening. Out of all the disgusting things you have ever done, this goes at the top of a very long list. Looks like the soul didn't take. You're as vile as you ever were."

"Risking my life to save another person's life. That's vile in your book?," Spike responded, trying to match Buffy's outrage.

Buffy noticed Spike's complete blindness to what really mattered. "You are just like you always were. You don't help others. You only help yourself. You wanted to play hero. You wanted all the glory. It didn't matter that you were risking my sister's life, now did it?"

"Was last night the best night of Dawn's life?," Spike asked Buffy.

"What!?," Buffy asked back.

"Just answer. Was last night the best night of Dawn's life?" Buffy just stared at him in silence. "Well was it or not?"

Buffy was quiet a few more seconds. She sensed Spike was springing a trap. "Yes. That's what she told me. She had a good time, despite everything you did to ruin it for her."

"I understand why you're mad at me," Spike explained. "You just can't see the truth, can you? I didn't ruin last night for Dawn. I made it possible."

Buffy thought it was Spike who was blind to the truth. "You're more selfish than I thought. You weren't the only thing standing between Dawn and that demon, and you sure as hell know that. There was me. I would have killed that thing. But you kept it all to yourself. And what if Gardar had killed you? What would have happened to Dawn then, when it attacked her without warning, without me to protect her? Did you ever think about that?"

"Course I did," Spike responded. "And that's precisely why I did not tell you. If you knew, then Dawn probably would have known as well. And once that was the case, she wasn't going to have that much fun, now, was she?"

"She wasn't going to have that much fun if she was dead either," Buffy rebutted.

"There was no chance of that happening," Spike emphatically declared.

"No chance? Look at you! Look what that thing did to you. It practically killed you. I know you may still be in denial about this, but now that you're human, you're not as strong as you used to be. And please, it's not like you were that strong of a vampire anyway."

Spike now walked up to Buffy as if he were trying to menace her. "You've never seen my A-game, pet. What, you think you're better than those other Slayers I killed? Please! I never killed you because I was never willing to die when I fought you. When I'm in a fight, and I know that one of us is not getting out alive, I find a way. I always do."

"Until one day you don't, and you take my sister with you." Buffy countered. "You want to win the interspecies ultimate fighting championship, be my guest. But don't ever put the lives of people I love on the line during one of your pathetic ego trips."

Buffy began walking out. "Buffy wait," Spike pleaded as he grabbed her right arm from behind. Buffy jabbed her left elbow into Spike's bruised and broken ribs to make him let go. He bent forward and groaned in pain before saying "please, just listen to me for a second." Buffy turned around to hear what other pigheaded comments Spike was going to make.

"Ever since Dawn came here, she's had to live in almost constant fear for her life. And for most of that time she was powerless to do anything to protect herself. You know this. You know what she's been through, the toll it's taken on her. I just wanted her to have one night when she didn't have to live in fear. One carefree night when she could have all the happiness she so desperately deserves. That's why I did what I did. To give her that."

"Dawn never asked you to give her anything," Buffy said before walking out and slamming the door behind her.

Around 2am Xander was woken up by some very loud noise. It appeared to be coming from his living room. He went out to his living room and found Connor pogoing to the Kinks' "I Need You." (What better line to capture Connor's feelings for Dawn than "I need you more than anybody else has needed anyone before.") Xander walked over and turned the volume way down.

Xander then ejected the disc. "This isn't one of mine. Where'd you get this?"

"Spike let me borrow it."

Perfect. Just what Xander wanted to hear. He was too tired to try to give the "Stay Away From Spike" lecture he had been preparing in his head for the last two weeks. So he put the disk back in, turned it back on, took out his headphones, and plugged them in. "When you want to listen to something when people are sleeping, Steven, use these. That way, you won't wake up the entire building."

"Thanks," Connor said. He put them on and went back to listening.

Xander went back to bed. After closing the bedroom door, Xander analyzed what he had just done. "I just told Steven to turn that awful racket down. Oh no, I am Middle-Aged Man."

That morning Buffy saw an update of the vampire church killings on the television. "Shocking new developments regarding yesterday's murders of Father Ernesto Torres and four altar boys at the Church of the Blessed Virgin. Monsignor Phillip Denonville, who officiated a noon Mass at that church only hours before the bodies were discovered, has gone missing. In addition to this, we have just received word that four men have come forward, claiming that Monsignor Denonville sexually molested them two decades ago when they were altar boys. Regarding these new accusations, a spokesman for the Diocese had no comment."

Clem ran into Spike's crypt at 9am, waking him up. "Bloody hell, Clem, you're making a habit out of this aren't you?"

"I got a big problem Spike."

"What, something's after you?"

"No. The problem is me. I felt so stoked after we killed Gardar the other night. Too stoked. Last night I went out and killed three vampires."

"I don't see a problem with that."

"The thing is, I'm not a killer. I've never killed a vampire before in my life. But now I need to kill. I need to feel that rush. I'm addicted."

"You're addicted to vampire slaying?"

"Not exactly. I'm addicted to killing. Bad guys, of course. Now, killing bad guys is a good thing. Sure, I know that. But I have this sickening feeling in my tummy telling me I'm going to kill and kill until I face something too strong for me to kill, and then I'll end up dead. And it's not hard to find something that can rip me limb from limb. Those vampires I got last night didn't put up much of a fight. They were too shocked to see a floppy-skinned harmless demon coming after them."

Spike thought about this. "I see, I see. You've had a taste and you're hooked. You think you're invincible."

"No no, no no. I ain't invincible. That's why I'm worried."

"Right now you know you're not invincible. But when you went after those vampires you felt invincible, like nothing could touch you, right?"

"I guess I did."

"Of course you did. If you were afraid, you would never have gone after them. Remember, fear is a good thing. And you were very brave against Gardar, and you defeated him, so you have nothing to prove. Remember that next time you feel the urge to go Charles Bronson on the undead. You've had your victory. You've proven your toughness, mate. Now savor it."

"Savor it. Revel in past glories. I like that, Spike. I'll try it. Like, next time I'm watching The A-Team,' I can laugh at them, since they're only pretending to save the day, and I've done the real thing. Yeah. I'm a hero. I can bask in my own glory. So next time I want to fight, I'll bask instead. By the way, what are those dogs doing outside your place?"

"What dogs?," Spike asked as he went out to take a look. He saw two dogs tied to a tree outside his front door. He could see the address of their owner on their collars. So he walked them home, where he found police cars and yellow tape.

"Hey officer, what happened?," Spike asked.

"The family that lives in this house was murdered three blocks from here."

"Oh no. Oh my God," Spike said. He let go of the dogs' leashes and walked away. The dead family. The dogs. It meant only one thing to him. "Drusilla."

That night, Monsignor Denonville paid a visit to the house of Daniel Parnell, a man in his early thirties. Parnell opened the door. Denonville made his pitch. "Danny, I just want to talk. I need forgiveness. I need to atone for what I did to you. Please, let me come in."

Daniel stepped just outside his front door. Denonville stepped back to the edge of the porch. "It's Jesus you ask for forgiveness. I'm not Jesus. I can't forgive you. Twenty years, that's a long time to figure out that what you did was wrong. And you're not sorry, are you? You've just gotten worse with age. I heard about the ones you killed yesterday. The police are gonna find you. You're finally going where you belong."

Daniel was about to turn around, go inside and call the police. Denonville knew this. He grabbed Daniel, growled and threw Daniel onto his front lawn. He put on his vampire face. "You were never much of a fighter were you, Danny Boy? At least the others tried to resist. You were so soft, so gentle. That's why you were always my favorite."

Daniel got up. Denonville walked away from the house and towards Daniel. He growled again and charged him. Daniel grabbed his right arm and used Denonville's momentum to throw him forward. Denonville landed on Daniel's white picket fence, and turned to dust.

Daniel was understandably shocked. He had killed this man. But then again, he knew men didn't vanish into thin air. Whatever Denonville was, Daniel knew he was no more. He looked up and down his street, just to make sure nobody saw what happened, and quickly walked back inside.

The store closed shortly after dark and Spike headed home nervously. Connor met up with him along the way. Spike did not want him around at this moment. After all, if Dru showed up she'd blow Spike's cover.

"Oh, hi Steven. Uh, I don't think you should be out here with me. You heard about all those killings yesterday? I just don't think it's safe."

Now that sounded ridiculous to Connor. "It's a vampire, right? What have I got to fear from a single vampire?"

"Steven, there's a lot you don't know about vampires."

"I know how to kill them. What else do I need to know about vampires?"

Drusilla stood at the top of a ridge about 100 yards from Connor and Spike. She held in her right hand a teenage girl she had just killed and drained. In a normal speaking voice which she knew Connor would hear from that distance, Dru said "care for a taste of schoolgirl, Connor? Your daddy always did."

Connor heard these words and charged at Dru, not fully comprehending he meaning of what she had just told him. Spike looked and saw the female figure in black. He knew it was Dru. He ran after Connor, but of course couldn't keep up. After all, Spike no longer moved like a vampire.

When Connor got close Dru tossed the girl's corpse behind her, down the other side of the hill. She held up her right index and middle fingers in front of Connor's eyes, made him look in her eyes, and mesmerized him. Connor was ill-prepared to confront a vampire with such formidable mental powers. "That's a good boy" Dru told him before kicking Connor back down the hill.

At that point Spike arrived. Connor rose and tried to charge Dru again, but Spike held him back. Dru walked down the slope to confront them. "Hello brother. Hello son," Dru said to the two of them.

"Oh, poor Spike. You don't know the truth, do you? It's so poetic, isn't it, my dear William? My boy, and Darla's and Angel's boy, together. Neither knowing there are family. Neither knowing we are family. Go ahead Spike. Look at Connor. Doesn't he have the face of an Angel?" And with that Dru vanished down the other side of the ridge, leaving plenty of revelations in her wake.

Spike and Connor eyed each other suspiciously. Spike saw a twinkle of violence in Connor's eyes, and started to slowly back away. "I think it is apparent that each of us knows something we need to tell the other. Let's just talk this through." Connor didn't look ready to talk, so Spike bravely volunteered, though he kept retreating as he talked. 

"Okay, I'll begin. That vampire, the one who stopped you in your tracks. Her name's Drusilla. She was sired by Angel. Angel was sired by Darla. And me, well, this may sound unbelievable, but I was sired by Drusilla."

Connor stopped pursuing Spike. He was too shocked to believe what Spike was hinting at, so Spike stopped merely hinting. "I was vampire, for a century. A few months before I met you, I endured a series of trials to regain my soul and earn back my humanity."

It took Connor a few seconds to respond. "You were a vampire?"

"Yes, Steven."

"You were a vampire!" And with that Steven knocked Spike to the ground with a right hook. He got on top of him. "You were a vampire!," he yelled again as he hit Spike a few more times.

Spike grabbed Connor's arms. "Steven please, it's me. It's me."

Connor calmed down. He looked at Spike for a few seconds. Then he got off Spike and helped him up. Connor put his head in his hands. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm didn't mean to hurt you. I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's fine," Spike told Connor. "I mean, who ever heard of a vampire becoming a person? That's almost as weird as, say, a person whose parents are vampires. Wouldn't you agree, Connor?"

Connor got the hint. He told his story. Actually, he told Holtz's version of his story. "200 years ago, Angelus and Darla killed the children of a vampire hunter Holtz. In order to punish them, God sent Holtz into our time. He witnessed my birth, which resulted in Darla's death. With God's help, he rescued me when I was a baby from Angelus and took me to Quor-toth, where I could be safe. 16 years later, we found our way back to this world. Holtz, my true father, told me only a few weeks had past in this world since he took me to Quor-toth.

"Angelus found Holtz and killed him. With the help of Justine, a woman who had helped Holtz rescue me from Angelus when I was a baby, I locked Angelus in a box, which I dropped into the ocean. A few months later, someone freed him. We Angelus back, I no longer felt safe in that place. So I left and found my way here."

Spike needed a moment to absorb this all. "Time travel. Alternative dimensions. Vampire offspring. Dear Lord, I feel like I'm trapped in an episode of Passions.' That's quite a story, Steven. I don't know what to say except, you must tell Buffy. And Dawn, as well. You need to tell then about Drusilla. And they deserve to know who you really are."

"But she's a Vampire Slayer. What will she think of me, the child of vampires?"

Spike smiled. He knew all too well what she'd think of it. "Steven, I think you'll find that Buffy can be astoundingly understanding on matters such as this. She won't be mad. At you. I promise."

Connor knew that now that his secret was out he might as well come clean. Besides, he had to warn Buffy about Drusilla.

His real worry was how Dawn would take the news. As Connor walked, he thought of some words he heard in a Kinks song the previous night:

"darling you know that I love you true

do anything that you want me to

confess all my sins like you want me to

there's one thing that I will say to you

I'm not like everybody else

I'm not like everybody else"

So Connor went to Buffy's house, where she found her in the living room with Dawn, Xander and Willow. "Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Xander, there is something I really must tell you about myself. For too long, I have kept a secret from you . . ."

". . . and sent him to the bottom of the sea. But he rose, and I didn't feel safe. So I left that place, and found my way here. I hope you can forgive me for not telling you the truth sooner."

Buffy, Dawn, Willow and Xander sat on the couch, their mouths wide open. They didn't speak, or even move a muscle for about sixty seconds. Finally, Buffy felt compelled to break the ice. "No, no, I understand. I forgive you, totally, Totally. The thing is, I know Angel. I met him when I moved to this town six years ago . . ."

". . . we knew then that we could never be truly, truly happy together. So he left for Los Angeles three years ago. We haven't talked in over a year."

Now it was Connor's turn to stare in open-mouthed silence. But he didn't. After everything he had been through in his own life, Buffy's travails were nothing. "That perfect happiness thing you mentioned. That's probably how it happened. That's probably how he lost he soul, became Angelus, and killed my father. When I saw him, he was in love. With a half-demon named Cordelia."

Buffy and Xander stared at each other in horror. "A demon? What, did she have, green skin and a tail?," Xander asked.

"No, definitely not. She looked like a woman. A very pretty woman, actually. She said she became part demon so she could help people. I believed all demons were evil, so I tried to kill her. But she touched me, and she glowed."

"She glowed!?," Xander asked incredulously.

"Yes. like a star. Like a ball of energy." Dawn started to hum nervously and shift her eyes away from Connor. "I was filled with the light. And when it stopped, I no longer wanted to kill her."

"Can you excuse me for a moment," Buffy told Connor as she retreated into the kitchen. Xander and Willow quickly followed. Connor looked at Dawn. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I just feared you wouldn't want to be around me. I pray you can understand and forgive me. I just didn't want you to think I was a monster."

"Actually Steven, there's something I need to tell you. See, I'm also different. I'm not like other girls . . ."

Buffy was irate. "Cordelia?!! Angel loves Cordy! Angel loves Cordy? This is insane!," she yelled as she banged her hands into the kitchen counter, shaking the pots and pans on the counter a few feet away."

"And Cordelia's a demon," Xander said, joining in the shock-fest. "Cordelia's a demon. Why does that turn me on. Why? I'm sick, I need help."

"I just don't know how any of this could happen," Buffy said to Willow. "Forget about Cordelia. Actually, that's impossible right now, but let's pretend for a moment. He had sex with Darla"

Xander interrupted. "Darla, who I myself saw turned to dust. And then she's back, like it never happened. What is it, you sleep with Angel, you get a free resurrection?"

Willow and Buffy realized that Xander was off on his own tangent. So they ignored him. Buffy continued talking to Willow. "How could he have sex with Darla, like two years ago, and then when I saw him a few months later, he was fine, he still has his soul. What happened to the curse?"

Willow could only think of one explanation. "Buffy, maybe when I did the spell to give Angel his soul back, I did it wrong. I was a pretty amateur Wiccan back then, way over my head. What if I gave him his soul but didn't give him the curse?

It took Buffy about three seconds to understand the ramifications of this. She grabbed Willow, and started shaking her. "You mean when he came back he wasn't cursed! All that time senior year there was no perfect happiness curse? And you didn't tell me!" The last four years flashed before Buffy's eyes. All that time she could have been happy with Angel. All that time they spent apart, because they thought it was the only way.

Willow grabbed Buffy's wrists and Buffy stopped shaking her. "I didn't know! I didn't have any idea! I mean, there was only one way to find out, and did you want to take that risk?"

Willow meant this as a rhetorical question. But Buffy didn't know how to answer it. Meanwhile, Xander knew that he preferred Angel as a eunuch. He knew there must be another explanation. And he came up with it.

"Both of you are forgetting something : sex does not always equal perfect happiness. I mean, remember me and Faith? Buffy, remember you and that sleazeball Parker? So maybe Angel can have meaningless sex. Darla was a soulless monster, so he slept with her, but of course he could never loved her."

Xander didn't realize the double meaning of his last line. Buffy was all too familiar with the concept of loveless sex with a soulless monster. Willow also missed the double meaning. But she was pleasantly surprised with Xander's penetrating insight. "You're right Xander. That is so true. That's probably exactly what happened. But if that's the case, and if Steven was right about Angel loving Cordelia, why would he and her, you know? I mean, Cordy knows about the curse."

The thought of Angel and Cordy getting it on sickened all three of them. Once again, Xander had to explain away that which he could not bring himself to accept. "They wouldn't have. She wouldn't have. Cordelia's selfish, but not that selfish. She wouldn't risk recreating a monster for one roll in the hay."

Buffy agreed. "And Angel, he never would. He'd never sleep with Cordelia. I mean, she's Cordelia! That's like me sleeping with Xander!"

"Excuse me, I am in the room!," Xander yelled back.

"Sorry Xander, I didn't mean it as an insult. I mean, I love you. But not like that. You accept that. I was just trying to show how ridiculous this whole Angel-Cordy lovebird thing is."

"Well, maybe if I was part demon you'd be attracted to me," Xander quipped. "You do seem to go for that in a guy."

Buffy was about to slap Xander when Willow grabbed her from behind. "Stop! Let's take a deep, deep breath, and calm down. We're getting way, way off topic. This isn't about us, it's about Angel and Steven."

Buffy calmed down. "I'm sorry Xander. I was out of line. What I meant to say was that Angel would never risk that. If he does love Cordelia, he could never do that to her. He could never risk going evil and hurting her and everyone else he cares about."

"So you're saying Steven's wrong?," Willow asked. Then she answered her own question. "I mean, it's not like Angel would have to go bad to kill Holtz. That guy stole his child from him. He never got to see his son grow up. I think any of us would want revenge if we were in Angel's position."

"But Angel wouldn't," Buffy said. "He wouldn't kill a person. Not even someone as despicable as Holtz."

Xander took offense to this characterization of Holtz. "What do you mean despicable? Let's put ourselves in his shoes. Angel murders his wife and children. He wants revenge. Wouldn't you? Somehow he goes all Rip Van Winkle. When he wakes up he finds that the man who murdered his children has a child of his own. So he takes Angel's child, to make up for what Angel took from him, to let Angel know a little of the pain he feels. What, you want this guy who loses his family to get no justice?"

"That's not justice. That's vengeance," Buffy told Xander.

Xander begged to differ. "No it's not, not in this case. Vengeance is when you hurt someone more than they deserve so you can feel better. Justice, well, justice is when you give them exactly what they deserve."

Willow jumped in to break up this latest argument. "Am I the only one who notices that we keep drifting horribly off-topic? Now is not the time to debate the merits of child kidnapping! There is a 16 year-old boy in the other room whom we all care about. A boy who lives with you, Xander. A boy who fights by your side, Buffy, and who's dating your sister. A 16 year-old boy who a little over a year ago hadn't even been born yet. Right now, we are the only family he's got. We are the only people he trusts in this entire world. This isn't about our misgivings about Angel or Cordelia. This is about Steven."

Buffy and Xander took this to heart. They realized how selfish they had been acting. Then Willow burst her bubble of self-righteous indignation. "Still guys, even I have to admit, Angel and glow-Cordy, pretty hard to believe. I never saw that coming."

"Love's a funny thing," Buffy said, looking off into the distance. Someone had told her that a few years ago. Actually, that someone was Spike. Then Buffy remembered what else mattered – Drusilla. "Oh no! With all this shocking breaking news to chew over, I completely forgot about Drusilla. I better go out and get her before she gets to anyone else." Buffy left out the back door.

Dawn had finished telling Connor the truth about her origins. It brought them even closer together. They both had felt so alone, so isolated. Now each of them knew they had a kindred spirit, a soul mate. Connor believed Dawn was the only person who could truly understand him. Dawn believed Connor was the only person who could truly understand her. They were now sitting side-by-side on the couch, staring into each other's eyes, Connor's left hand in Dawn's right hand, Dawn's left hand in Connor's right hand.

After about a minute of silent staring, Connor began to talk. "When I first saw you, I knew you were special. I knew you were the only girl I could ever love. I believed that God meant for us to be together. Now I know that my faith was true. Everything that has ever happened in my life has led me to you."

After taking a few seconds to absorbed the magnitude of the moment, Dawn responded. "Steven, you've made me happier than I ever thought I could be. You've brought so much joy and meaning to my life. I love you Steven. I love you."

This is what Connor had been waiting to hear. This was the moment when Handel's "Hallelujah" chorus and Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" and the cannons from Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" would have been playing in his mind. But he didn't know these pieces of music. What he heard instead was Madonna's "Crazy for You," because Xander liked to listen to Madonna's "The Immaculate Collection." That would have to do for now.

Willow and Xander walked in at this point. Willow asked Dawn if she had any homework to do. Xander said he had to be heading home, and left with Connor. As they walked to the car, Xander said "So, Steven or Connor or whatever your name now is, tell me about how you tried to kill Angel. And please don't leave out any details."

Spike was pacing in his crypt, trying to come to terms with everything he had just learned. He put on some music to remind him of the old days – the Velvet Underground's "Venus In Furs:"

"kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather

shiny leather in the dark

taste the whip, in love not given lightly

taste the whip, now bleed for me"

It was perfect entrance music for Drusilla. Spike could sense her presence outside his door. "You may enter Dru. At my house, you are always welcome." Spike turned off the music, and turned to face his Dru. He broke the ice with some small talk.

"I heard about what you did in that church. The old confessional gambit. Always loved that one, myself. But the altar boys, that was just overkill."

"They weren't mine," Dru explained. "After I killed the Father, another Father showed up. So decided to have some fun, and I sired him. I watched as he performed Mass, gave Communion, told all the good little boys and girls to come on up and drink their blood so they could live forever. A vampire wearing the collar. It was such great fun to watch."

Spike went with flattery. "That's what I love best about you baby. Your sense of humor."

"He's already gone. I felt it earlier tonight. Wasn't exactly one of my best creations. Not like you. He was good for a little laughter. But I haven't been feeling so jolly lately," Dru replied. "And I don't think you have either. Your gifts, the gifts I gave you, have been stolen." Dru walked over and caressed his bruises. "Look what they've done to you. All scratched and bruised and broken. You poor, poor thing." Then she put her head to his chest. "Your heart is pounding, and it screams for me to end its misery, to end your misery. Mummy's here to make you all better. Care to see what it's like to be born again?"

Dru looked Spike in his eyes. "They don't accept you, the humans. They don't want you. Your little Buffy wants nothing to do with you. You thought she would love you if you changed what you were. But she doesn't. Because you can't change what you are."

"You're wrong. They do accept me," Spike said defensively and without conviction.

"Connor does," Dru replied. "And you know why? Because he's family. He's blood."

Spike knew what Dru wanted with Connor. "So that's what you're here for? Angel's boy."

"Our boy, Spike. Our boy. We'll start over. Finally, we can be mummy and daddy. He'll be our treasure, our jewel."

Spike encouraged Dru's dreams. "You should see him fight, Dru. He's amazing. Far stronger than his father ever was. And vicious, more vicious than any human. You give him the deluxe package, and there's no telling what havoc that boy will wreak."

"It will be like before, only so much better," Dru told Spike.

"Yes, like before," Spike added ruefully. "See, honey, that's the thing. I want this, more than anything. I want my life back. But if I am going to be with you, love, you must do one thing for me."

"Name it, Spike."

"Kill Angel."

Dru was taken aback. "Kill daddy! But I had such big plans for him."

"That's precisely the problem, baby," Spike explained. "He tends to spoil my fun, to ruin our fun. We don't need him. He'll just get in the way. I won't share you anymore. It's me or him. Choose."

"Kill my sire? What kind of monster to you think I am."

"I didn't say you had to kill him. Here's how I see it. You make me what I was. You make Connor what he's destined to be. We take Connor to LA, where he kills Angel. You get it?"

Dru flashed a big smile. "Oooh Spike, you always had the best plans! The son, killing the father."

"What can I say," Spike joked. "It runs in Connor's family. He'd be following in his father's footsteps."

"My boy, my dear sweet boy. You're a genius. And I need you, as much as you need me. I've been so lonely."

"I never want you to be lonely," Spike told her.

"And now, all the puzzle pieces are coming back together," she responded.

"I'll never let you be lonely again. That I promise you, Dru baby," Spike pledged.

Dru kissed Spike passionately. He kissed back just as passionately. They put their arms around each other. After about 15 seconds, Dru took her lips off Spike's, put on her vampire face, and bit Spike in the neck. He did nothing to resist her. A few seconds later, Drusilla was nothing more than dust.

Buffy was marching towards Spike's crypt. She wanted to see if he knew where Drusilla was. But that was only her pretext for seeing him. She had been hit with so much tonight, and had yet to make sense of it all. She was so confused. But there was a nagging thought in her brain she could not get rid of. Angel had moved on. Maybe she should as well.

Buffy entered Spike's crypt. She saw that the entire front of his body was covered in ash. Spike was frozen. He hadn't moved since killing Dru. He stood there like a dazed, dusty statue.

Buffy didn't know why she did what she did next. It was instinctive, done without thought or conscious intention. She ran to Spike, put her arms around him, and hugged him tight. He hugged her tight.

Spike started to cry. To put it more accurately, he started to bawl uncontrollably. Tears of sorrow for losing Dru. Tears of joy for Buffy giving him another chance. After about two minutes, Spike stopped crying. For the next three minutes, Spike and Buffy held each other without saying a word.

Then Buffy let go, turned around, and went home. She was covered in Drusilla's dust.


End file.
